Truth #22

Have you ever cheated on someone before?

 

I suppose this one would have to come up at some point. With the nature of the things I write and the questions about monogamy etc I imagine it was inevitable. So here comes the not so surprising truth.

 

Yes. Yes I have. To be honest my first ever experience was under the surprisingly exhilarating cloud of cheating. I wasn’t the cheater in that case but I was well acquainted with the person being cheated on. I will not say any more that that because this is one truth that could seriously damage a long standing relationship. Suffice to say it was a mistake for me to participate in the event, but we find surprising ways to justify our misdeeds.

 

So yes I have cheated. I suppose the strangest element of the situation was my lack of feeling any remorse whatsoever. Both at the time and later on. I know that it was wrong yet I felt no panes of guilt. I felt no shame or disgust. I felt next to nothing. I suppose that has been the most disturbing thing.

 

I’m not sure how that paints me. Now to you I may appear to be some sort of bizarre sociopath unconcerned with the feelings of others. In most cases I am able to sympathize and empathize with others but when it comes to cheating it becomes a big ol’ “Meh” reaction

 

I know this isn’t the reaction I should have. I should be upset at myself. Devastated at my weakness of character etc. but I just don’t have those feelings. I guess I’m just not a very good person then. *shrug*

 

It would be easier to lie. To say I’ve never cheated. That even though I’ve been tempted I’ve never followed through. But this isn’t the truth and that’s what the answers to these questions should be.

 

So sorry if I’ve disappointed you, my readers. I’m flawed. I’m imperfect. And sometimes I can be a real asshole. So feel free to throw stones at me, as I’m sure none of you have ever cheated nor have been tempted to cheat. Yes that was sarcasm. Live with it.

 

J

 

Next weeks question…..pick one….

 

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11 thoughts on “Truth #22

  1. I find it interesting that you apologize for your honesty even if it’s sarcastically…why does “cheating” need to be accompanied by remorse? I love your blog and am sharing with my readers…keep up the thought-provoking posts!

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  2. don’t assume you have to feel a certain way, based upon what the “normal” views are on having sex with someone you are not pair bonded with. i’ve learned you can never understand what is inside another persons mind, even if you spend a lifetime with them. all you can do is know yourself.

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  3. Reblogged this on Dr. Nymphobrainiac and commented:
    I recently read a blog (re-blogged above) addressing the issue of cheating, without getting into details, the crux was:
    Because I don’t feel guilt/disgust/shame, and “should”, I am somehow bad/wrong (“sociopath” is the word that was actually used).
    So, considering that the majority of us have both cheated and been cheated-on…is it any wonder that probably more than a few of us have cultivated an apathetic attitude concerning the whole scenario? And if so, why?
    I have a few guesses.
    One, I think that we live in a society that both accepts and maybe even encourages cheating…it’s become almost a “part” of one’s modern relationship:
    We all know not to ask what our significant other is up-to when not with us during those critical first three to four months of a new relationship when we likewise don’t want them to know what we are up to.
    I would also add that the rises of alt/poly/swinger/fuck-buddy relationship statuses are simply an adaptation to what is reality:
    It’s not cheating if we agree on it.
    As someone who has engaged in these alternative-type romantic scenarios, which I would argue are a healthier approach to infidelity than simply turning the other cheek; I have found that honesty is still key to creating and maintaining a love relationship.
    I am not saying people won’t ever cheat in alt-relationships, or in fact that I won’t ever cheat…I guess I am saying, accept reality and adapt. If that means alt partnering ok, if that means walking away when you are cheated on great, if it means taking responsibility when you are the cheater all right. Just don’t sink into apathy either because you “should feel bad” and don’t or because you just don’t want to explore the alternative (feeling)…Why? Well because you…him…her…us…we are all better than that.
    xxx c.

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    1. I cheat. I do. I just enjoy the touch of a new person, exploring new scents, discovering things about myself and other people. It is at a point where I try to force guilt onto myself but I just don’t feel it. I’ve even moved beyond self rationalization because I know deep down at my core, I am satisfying needs that are deficient. The issue is I don’t let these needs define my current relationship. That’s both empowering and frightening at the same time. I even feel that if my partner felt the way I did, our relationship could take on a whole new dimension. Am I a sociopath? I’ve been described that way out of a sexual context, so why wouldn’t it apply to my relationships as well?

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