Now despite the title, I don’t have kids. That being said it still brings up an interesting quandary for me.
From the feedback that I’ve received and the positive words of encouragement I’ve really thought about pursuing writing a full fledged erotic novel. However I’m left with the curious situation that I have no idea how to handle this side of me in my real life. What I write is graphic pornography, but without the visuals. The visuals are created in your mind. Regardless, I’m essentially a pornographic wordsmith. So what do I tell the kids, assuming there are some in my future. How do you tell them “daddy writes erotic lit to help pay for your college”. It seems like it’s only a step down from “mommy dances for men to pay the rent” sort of cliche.
So what do you tell the “kids”? Or the parents, or the coworkers, etc?
Or do you tell them anything at all?
This is part of the reason that I’m reluctant to release any truly personal and identifiable information.
So I guess that’s the question I would ask you guys….what do you tell the kids?
My Mind to Your Mind 
Seriously, you are thinking this far ahead? Wow. I would not tell them anything until the appropriate age. By then you may have outgrown your enjoyment of writing erotica and it won’t be an issue. Otherwise what about the truth, that it is something you truly enjoy doing and it pays the bills. If mommy loves dancing for men, and it pays the rent too, well then why not? Kids (as they grow up) need to know it is ok to have or enjoy alternative lifestyles. The world would be a better, happier place if we didn’t try to cover up or hide our preferences. We are all more normal than we think.
As for coworkers, well, either you write under a pseudonym if it truly bothers you, or enjoy the extra attention you will surely get ;-). Really, life is too short to worry about what other people think and how they judge you. Give the first one a go and see how it goes. It may burn out before it becomes an issue. How do you think Mrs James felt when her books went viral – she worked for a television broadcaster, I think. (PS, I hope this is not the start of a measly excuse to get out of your new year promise to run a poll and answer questions about yourself…I for one am so looking forward to 1 January!).
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I always think ahead. That’s just how I’m built.
The moment I no longer enjoy writing erotica is the moment I cease to be a sexual being….at which point I figure I would be one foot in the grave. I already have come to the realization that I will likely come off as a dirty old pervert when I’m 70+….I think I’m ok with that. lol
I think I may write under a pseudonym, but as of yet I haven’t come up with a name.
I’m creative in a great number of areas of my life, but when it comes to nicknames, usernames, and in this case pseudonyms, I really lack talent.
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Well then it sounds like you really love writing erotica, and you should definitely start weaving it into your daily life by writing a full blown novel. This might be the start of a change in career! Or maybe you love doing both. You don’t need to say anything to coworkers until it becomes necessary (publicity) and by then you would have a better idea on whether you remain anonymous or ‘come out’.
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Hahaha “come out” that made me chuckle. I’m sure that it’d be a hell of a coming out party. Lol
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I don’t have kids and would probably take the approach I take now when asked what I write. I’d say something along the lines of writing what I feel. Most people don’t bother asking what genre you write in anyway.
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I also use a pen name so it’s not something I think too hard about at the moment.
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Yes…well..my pen name currently is Aussydog. Not really too….name like. lol
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Hm, well. I’m sure there’s a way to have that name work for you if you want.
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I was offered a book contract and didn’t like the terms they offered for all the hard work i put in. So I decided to start my blog. At first I was a little afraid to start a blog about romance and erotica because I live in a small town where people aren’t use to someone writing such “naughty” things, and well they ALL know me. I have a job that puts my name out there as well. But the writing is sort of a release for me, and surprisingly a lot of people in my community look forward to my next post now. Just make sure that when the time comes you’re comfortable with it and its something that makes you happy. I do have a child and when the time comes time to explain, I will simply say it was something mommy loved to do, and that she should never let anything stop her from doing something she loves.
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What’s that like? Getting a book contract? And how did you know it wasn’t a good one for you?
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Well when it comes in it feels amazing knowing all of your hard work was going to finally get published. BUT when you read the fine print you’re not really getting what you deserve after everything is said and done. I guess I just felt that I deserved a lot more then what was offered. I get so much more satisfaction out of blogging my stories and seeing the amount of followers I get from all over the world everyday. If I had signed the contract I would technically be giving it away for next to nothing anyway. =-) Also I feel that by blogging it, it gets my name out there so that if I do decide to publish a book one day I already have my fan base.
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I do have kids and I’ve always operated under – the truth is always best. But its not information that needs to be volunteered until they are age appropriate. When your future son or daughter is of appropriate age you will want them to know that their sexuality is theirs to own – good, bad, alternative or otherwise and that you understand that and will support them? đŸ™‚
And I would probably use a pseudonym as well if you don’t want others to know what you write about. But, life is short, and you should do what you love to do, so if you don’t care then own the hell out of it. đŸ™‚
just my two cents.
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I have (3) kids, too (ages 16, 14 & 12). I agree with you LadySaige — tell it like it is. For example: 14 year old asks, “Mom, what’s up with Grandpa? Why don’t we ever see him?” I: “Well, you see your father has a half-sister your age, who he doesn’t even know and will probably never meet until Grandpa’s funeral.” 14 year old: “What do you mean?” I: Well … Your grandfather made the really bad choice of screwing around on your grandma with a woman half his age and he now lives with that woman and his daughter.” 14 year old: “Man, that’s harsh.” I: Yes, there are consequences for every thing you do sweetheart. Think about that before you have sex with someone.
Or — 12 year old daughter: “Mom, the cover of that book you are reading looks really silly.” I: You are right. Men really don’t have washboard abs like that unless they spend most of their free time at the gym. While women don’t wear ball gowns except for special occassions. But it’s fun to make believe. Don’t you think?
AussyDog — what you do is beautiful. Stick with pseudonym for your erotic stories so you are free to express yourself. Then write a children’s story every once in a while under your actual name, something in the same spirit as “Everybody Poops” by Taro Gomi (a very popular classic, BTW) he he. Tell your child/ren about your art of writing erotica when the time is right. Trust me — you’ll know when they are ready. Very important fact of life is that no sex=no you, child.
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I do have kids and faced the same dilemma. I had kept it hidden for some time, then did a seemingly innocent local radio interview and the presenter had done some digging and found out about my writing….to ny horror, he “outed” me on air as my teenage daughters were listening!
My eldest was 14 at the time and thought it was “gross” and funny in equal measures. My youngest was still 12 and not sure what “erotic writer” mean…her sister soon gleefully explained that it’s about people “doing it”, to which my youngest responded by asking if it was about a man anda woman, falling in love, getting married, then “doing it”LOL
I’ve since been more open about it all and even my mum and mother-in-law know….disturbingly, they both wanted to know what name I write under, sas they wanted to read my stuff! I said that would be a step too far!
Having gone more public allows me to promote my books more. Ultimately, lots of people read erotica so it’s only natural that someone has to write it.
I think kids can be told what they’re ready to hear at any given age and they’ll then interpret and assimilate in an age-appropriate way. If they grow up being told about sex and relationships in an equally appropriate way and feel comfortable asking questions etc, they’ll take an erotica-writing parent int their stride.
Hope this helps? đŸ™‚
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